“Marriage.”
This word freaks a lot of people out. And while this is an extremely scary word
(it technically denotes FOREVER and FOREVER is a really, really long time), it
doesn’t have to have a negative connotation. As a newlywed myself, I can tell
you the most annoying, yet telling, comment that drives me insane. When someone
asks me “How is married life?” (And I get this multiple times daily) and I say “It’s
going great!” or “It’s wonderful!” and I get an “Oh, just wait” or an “Oh yeah,
you’re still a newlywed.” It doesn’t scare me about the future of my marriage,
it just tells me how miserable of a person you are. I don’t always get this,
though. I sometimes get an “It’s a team effort, but it’s so wonderful” or a “That’s
great! I wish you guys the best!” Do you see the difference? Person Type #1:
The “Person who can’t be happy for anyone else.” My advice to those people: don’t
ask a generally happy individual how a happy time in their life is going if you
don’t want a happy answer. Just stay in your miserable, sad little shell while
I hang out with Person Type #2: The “Even though my first marriage failed, I
still have hope for others,” Person Type #3: “I’m actually happily married too,
I’m glad to see you are too,” and Person Type #4: “I may/may not get married in
the future but I am glad someone else is happy during a happy time.”
All of the
previously mentioned People Types do have a point, I promise. My mom gave me
some REALLY awesome advice a long time ago and it is advice I would give to any
other person in the entire world. She basically said if you’re not happy in
your relationship, don’t get married. This sounds like complete common sense,
but if you think about it, you probably know several people that are in
relationships and miserable and those same miserable people do something crazy unheard of: GET MARRIED. WHY!!?!?!? If you're miserable in your relationship, you are also going to be miserable in a marriage. If you're just miserable all the time about everything, please just stay single and don't even get a cat. They don't deserve that...
A while ago a lady at a
drive-thru in Greenwood asked me how married life was (before you ask: yes, I
make friends with everyone, especially food people because they’re THE BEST
people). I said “It’s great! It’s not really that different except we spend
more time together.” She, as a Person Type #3, said “Well, it’s not supposed to
be a lot different if you’re happy to begin with!” That really put my mom’s
advice from a long time ago into perspective. Marriage shouldn’t be this
entirely different world if you’re already healthy and happy relationship. Marriage
doesn’t automatically make everything harder, it just brings new challenges
along the way.
No, I don’t consider myself a
marriage genius and yes, like other human beings, my husband and I have
disagreements sometimes…. But as a person with 25 years of life experience, I
will say that generally if you’re positive about something, your outcome has a
much larger likelihood of also being positive. If you’re negative about
everything, you’re obviously going to be negative in your relationship (and
eventual marriage if you’re lucky to find someone to deal with your negativity).
In closing, EVERYTHING is what you make it, marriage included. So if you want a
positive life, be positive. Of course we all have hardships and sad days and
the occasional “I pity myself and am very negative because I’m having a bad
hair day and nothing you say can make it better” days, but those of us who can
eventually snap out of it are going to be okay. We will hopefully lead
generally happy, positive, and productive lives. Negative Nancy’s, perk up, smile
a little and skip the marriage advice!
